Nightmares
by Raefire6
Summary: He's running for his life. He does not know how or why, but he is. He's trapped in this nightmare... alone... and terrified. For the first time in years, he wishes he could call out for someone, call out for help and someone to hold him. He's not fearless... he doesn't want to be.


Prologue

I was going to die. It was that simple. There was no way in this entire universe that I could make it through this. It's kind of ironic actually, if you think about it. I've survived numerous battles, countless wars, went up against villains too horrible to even describe and forces powerful enough to destroy galaxies. My brothers and I have fought all our lives, jumping from one battle to the next, always looking out for each other and never losing. No, we're not invincible. Not even close. We just have a natural pendent for getting ourselves into trouble, and a skill for finding a way out of it.

You see, for as long as I can remember, I've had my brothers beside me. Donnie's the Einstein of our family, his quiet thoughtfulness and inventions have given us an edge against many foes. Mikey's what you would call a goof-off of a brother, but his creativity and ingenuity have taken down plenty of bad guys in the past. Raph is a bit different, his anger and recklessness is the reason we often call him a "hothead" or "maniac", especially when it seems like he'd rather get into a fight than think about the safety of those around him. He has heart though, there's no denying that. If any one of us were in trouble, Raph would be there, ready to pound the shell of anyone or anything that would dare seek to harm his family. He's a protector like that, a good one, and there is no one I'd rather have watching my back when things get messy. And believe me, things get messy almost 24/7. But I've come to believe that no matter how different we are, or how difficult the problem may seem, when the four of us come together we find a way to win. Always.

And this is exactly the reason why I'm going to die. I'm not sure when, and I'm not sure how, but somehow I've managed to get myself into a mess on my own, without my brothers here to support me. I don't know how I did it or how it even started, but I do know that I was in way over my head and that there was no way I was going to survive. I guess I just wish I could see them again, my brothers, my family, before this nightmare kills me. If Mikey was here now, he would have called what I was in for the worst case scenario and would joke that I must have done something pretty bad in a past life to deserve this and at which point I would have to agree with him.

Donnie always says to know your enemy better than you know yourself, know why they are fighting, what their motives are, and then use that knowledge to your advantage. Knowledge is power in Donnie's eyes, and right now I sure wish I had some. None of it made any sense and yet I was in a fight for my life that I didn't even understand. All that was real to me was the danger, the fear and the blood. So much blood…

Blood was more of Raph's department to be honest. If we were in a mood, we'd call him bloodthirsty, reckless and crazy. All he had ever wanted to do was fight, and sometimes I wondered just what he got out of it and why he was always so angry. Was it vengeance? Recompense? Self-righteousness? Or does he just enjoy seeing others suffer? I've asked Master Splinter about it before, and he would only smile sadly at me.

"Your brother is difficult to understand, Leonardo." He said. "He carries the world's burdens on his shoulders and doesn't know how to let them go. We all have our inner trials, and Raphael's is more complicated than most. Be patient with him, Leonardo, until he sorts it out. And be there for him when he needs help. That's all you can do."

His answer wasn't exactly satisfying, but I had tried to do as he had directed. But being patient with Raph was like trying to evaporate the ocean with a hairdryer: impossible and frustrating. Eventually I came to the conclusion that he was just bloodthirsty, addicted to violence and the pain of others. I never blamed him for that, and he will always be my brother, but it still worried me. Would there come a time that Raph's need for violence would stem passed the punishment he gives on the battlefield? Would he ever need to… to turn his fight to us, his family? I had always convinced myself that no, Raph would never do that, but the question still lingered.

Now, though, I think I understand less than ever. Here, in this nightmare, I was covered in blood. Some of it from the enemies I have dispatched and some of it from my own body when one of the demons could get a lucky shot in. I now knelt on the cold stone ground, in the pool of thick red blood, breathing hard and on the edge of hysteria.

Would Raph love this?

Would all this blood and suffering make him happy?

I felt as if I wanted to retch, but I forced my stomach to calm. I needed to focus, needed to keep thinking and trying to find a way out. The blood had dried a dull brown and crusty on my arms and I was tempted for a minute to try and peel it off, but I stopped myself. I didn't know what wounds I had encountered there and pulling sticky blood off was not going to help them heal. Mostly though, because touching it would make my belly lurch and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from being sick all over the cavern floor and that would leave me open and vulnerable to any attack.

I closed my eyes for what felt like the hundredth time, hoping and wishing that when I opened them up again, I would be home with my family and not in this wasteland of demons and blood. How did I get here? Where was my family? Were they hurt? Injured? Captured? … dead? My stomach lurched again at that last possibility and I forced myself to ignore it. They weren't dead, they had to be alive. I needed to believe that, if not for their sakes then for mine. I knew if I even considered the idea that I might never see them again, I wouldn't be able to think, to even breathe. No, they had to be alive and I was going to find them and get out of this nightmare.

I looked down at the gross red slime that coated me from head to toe and had to force myself not to picture Mike, Don or Raph in a similar situation… alone… fighting for their lives… and covered in blood.

The image of my immediate younger brother's face suddenly flashed across my vision. Raph… What would he do at a time like this? I swallowed all the obvious answers, answers I know Mikey and Don would have thought of, and instead- like Master Splinter would have- tried to look deeper, passed the anger and need for violence, and think of what my hotheaded brother would do.

I still expected to remember all the big times, the times Raph had fought with me, the times he had put all of us in danger. But, oddly enough, what came to my mind was small things, little times I could hardly remember. Like when Donnie was freaking over his new toy car falling into the river and Raph had dived in to retrieve it. Times like when Mikey had gotten his leg stuck under an old pipe and Raph, with great difficulty, had lifted the thing up and freed him.

But the thing that stood out the most was that one winter, when the water in the sewer that flowed in from the river had been frozen and we, as small little kids, had decided to slide around on it. Sure it was fun at first, we all enjoyed the rush of the air as we skated around, but we never really stopped to consider the danger we were putting ourselves into. I remember all at once we suddenly heard a large cracking sound, and the ice underneath us started to break. Luckily, Mikey and Don had already stepped off the ice to let their feet warm up for a little while so they were in no danger of falling in and drowning. Raph and I were a different matter, though. I was farther away from the edge, farther away from safety, and I remember noticing how easy it would be for Raph to just sidestep and save himself. Not me. The ice underneath my feet cracked and shifted, and I remember being paralyzed with fear, not being able to think or move. Raph had shouted to Mikey and Don to go get Master Splinter and they had quickly run down the tunnel, screaming for our sensei and leaving Raph and I alone. I had forced myself to look up from the ice and surprisingly my eyes had met Raph's.

"I'm scared." I had gasped, not caring in that moment whether he thought I was a wimp or not because the truth was exactly that. I was scared and I didn't know what to do.

"I know," He had replied, and instead of taking the small step towards safety, he took the hesitant, dangerous step towards me. "But you're going to be okay, you hear? Leo, you're going to be alright."

"No!" I had cried, tears starting to roll down my face. "No, I'm not going to be alright! I'm going to drown!"

"No, no you're not." He had replied, taking two more steps forward, the ice creaking under his weight. "You're not going to drown and you're not going to be afraid."

His eyes had suddenly focused. "We're going to have some fun instead."

"No we're not!" I had shouted, not believing he was saying something so ridiculous at a time like this.

Raph smiled and let out a little chuckle. "Would I trick you?"

"Yes!" I whined. "You're always full of tricks."

"Okay," he admitted, still smiling. "But not this time." His eyes left mine for a minute as he scanned that area. "We're going to play a game. We're going to play hopscotch, just like we do every day. It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. See?" I watched his feet intently as he hopped from one leg to the other across the ice.

"One," His foot found a solid piece of ice and he placed his right foot there. He lifted his left and for a minute lost his balance and swerved towards the thin ice. I gasped and for a moment he almost looked scared, but he quickly regained his balance and stood there on one foot. He smiled at me and chuckled, like it was all a part of the game he was playing. So convincing was his act that for a moment I believed it too, and giggled.

"Two," His next step was easier, as the ice he stood on became sturdier, but the last one was the scariest because he had to actually jump to reach the safety of the sturdy ice.

"Three!" I gasped as he landed firmly on the ground and made a big show out of bowing to me. I clapped sheepishly as the danger of the situation started to fade from my mind.

"Thank you, thank you," Raph said, bowing once more for good measure. Then he smiled at me. "Now it's your turn." I nodded, fearfully looking down again at my feet on the ice and carefully took one step towards him.

"One," he counted for me, and out of the corner of my eye I could see him bending down. I took another step.

"Two," Raph voiced, and I saw him grab something with one hand. "You're doing great, Leo. Just one more step."

It hadn't been clear to me at the time, but now that I look back on it I realized there had been no way I could have made that last step. My steps had been far too small compared to Raph's, and even if I had jumped I wouldn't have made it to safety before the ice crumbled from under me. But back then I was too scared to notice how hopeless my rescue was, and I had so badly wanted to believe it when Raph told me I would be safe with just one more step. So I took the step.

"Three!" Raph shouted, and even before my foot touched the ice, he swung a long metal pipe that had been lying on the ground and used it to push me towards the side. I practically flew through the air and ended up landing on my shell on the hard ground. But I was safe! I was off the ice! I stood up from the ground and started to laugh out of pure relief. Raph laughed too and soon we were both breathless.

Again, I hadn't noticed it then, even though I should have. Raph had used the pipe to push me out of harm's way, but to do so he needed enough momentum to push me that distance and with a lever if something is pushed one direction, something else must be pushed the opposite direction. In other words, when Raph pushed me to the side, he ended up flinging himself foreword, right on top of the thin ice. When I got up he was just sitting there laughing and I didn't see any reason to be worried.

But that all changed when we both heard the cracking again.

Raph looked down at the ice and then up at me in the same instant as both of us realized what was about to happen. In that one moment before the ice broke and my brother plummeted into the icy water, he did the bravest thing I had ever seen. He smiled at me. He actually smiled at me. It was as if he was saying, _it's okay, everything's going to be alright._

And then he went under the water.

"Raph!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Raph! Raph!" I don't quite know how long I sat there leaning over the edge of the ice, shouting his name, before Mikey, Don and Master Splinter arrived. I was told afterwards that it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, but it had felt like an eternity. I didn't have to say anything to Master Splinter because my tear-streaked face and hysterical shouting of Raph's name at the water said it all. He stopped only to move me aside, before he dived in after Raph. Mikey and Don kept asking me questions about what happened and I heard their voices rise in pitch because of how scared they were, but I couldn't answer them. Not then. I kept waiting for Raph or Master Splinter to resurface, to swim to the top, to give any indication that either of them was still alive, but it seemed like hours before one came.

Master Splinter's furry head was the first to surface as he pulled Raph's motionless form along with him. We helped him heave Raph out of the water and we all gathered around as Splinter leaned over our brother's form. My heart had frozen in my chest as I had noticed he wasn't breathing and for a long agonizing moment I had believed he was dead. But, by massaging his chest, Master Splinter was able to force the water out of his lungs and Raph coughed it up in mouthfuls.

After wards he had to sit by the fire for a long time, trying to get warm and Master Splinter had us bring him blankets and make him warm tea to drink. He was sick with a cold for weeks after that, but that never stopped him from smiling. I had sat with him for hours at night, leaning close to him to keep him warm and feeling the wonderful comfort of his presence. He had almost sacrificed his life for me… that much I had known. And I remember, as I sat there with him, talking and laughing, I had wondered what I had done to deserve such a brother.

And now, as I looked down at my blood-soaked hands once again, I felt tears come to my eyes. I had always thought I was the one that was supposed to be taking care of Raph, but in reality it was the other way around. Raph may not be the most peaceful and patient warrior, but he had the wisdom beyond his age or experience. He took a scared little kid and saved his life, using hopscotch of all things! And that he had done when he was only a scared little kid himself! I forced myself to take a deep breath and wiped away the salty tears form my face. I had to make to back to him, to them, to my family. And to do that I knew I had to take my brother's advice.

_You're not going to be afraid._ His voice echoed in my ears along with the image of his smirking face. _We're going to have some fun instead._

"Alright, Raph," I breathed, slowly getting to my feet. "Let's have some fun."


End file.
